Amanda's Archives

Laundry

I haven’t done laundry in six weeks.  Gah.  I have enough underwear to last me, like, a year, and I have extra clean sets of sheets and stuff, so it’s not gross or anything, but I am really digging in the back of my closet to find clean clothes to wear.   It’s a really good thing that I wear a lab coat all day at work, so almost no one I work with actually sees what I’m wearing underneath, but if I don’t make it to the laundromat tonight, I may have to break out the evening wear for tomorrow.  Also, I’m leaving for SF tomorrow right after work, and I really don’t want to wear a cocktail dress to the Cardinals show on Saturday.  Must_do_laundry_tonight.  

That’s all.  Have a lovely day tumblr people!

xoxo

Hi!

I started a new tumblr about my experiences applying to medical school.  It’s mainly just a place for me to rant, and hopefully I can share the link with people applying next year so they can learn from my mistakes.  I sincerely doubt it is of any interest to you lovely people, but just in case I thought I’d let you know. 

Okay, thanks.  Bye.

Oh wait, the link:  Aspiring

JB,

I read what you wrote, and then it disappeared before I could post this!  Anyway, thank you.

This is maybe a little silly, but whenever I think about maybe not believing in love or about giving up, I think of the lyrics to the Rilo Kiley song More Adventurous where she (Jenny Lewis, my hero) says that “with every broken heart we should become more adventurous.”  I really think that’s true.  

I think it’s good for me to stay on my own for awhile and figure things out, and maybe that’s just what you’re doing too (albeit for a longer period of time and for different reasons).  It’s hard not to immediately pre-judge new relationships based on old experiences, and it takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to break out of old patterns, but I believe it’s possible.  For all of us.  Eventually.

Taylor,

That is so sweet and thoughtful for you to write.  Thank you.  It makes me so happy and gives me so much hope to know that there are people, like you, who are so open and caring and generous.  

I love that you call your grandma “nana.”  I do, too.  And it does seem like holidays are a difficult time of year all around.  There’s way too much expectation.  They’re always bound to disappoint.

Thank you so much, though.  I kinda teared up a little when I read your post.  I love knowing that there are such kind people out there in the world.

taylorswaim:

I read your post about christmas and it really choked me up.  I don’t come from a big family, and my christmas holidays always consist of myself, my mother, and my grandmother… that’s it.  It’s always fun, and we always laugh… but I always keep the thought in the back of my mind that “this is it, this is the only family I’ve got”  My nana is 87 and in poor health, my mom is 53 and she’s got more health problems than she should for someone her age… I have no siblings, I don’t speak to my father, no cousins that I’m close to, nothing… one day I’ll be alone…

You’re a brave girl.  I don’t think I could have handled being alone like that at only 18.  I haven’t gone through it yet, but it’s sort of inevitable… People need people.  People need to feel loved and wanted, at least I know I do.  The holidays are hard on a lot of people… I’ve never really been a fan of them, honestly.  Always a lot of let downs….

Anyway, it may not mean anything, but know that if you find yourself w/o a place to go this christmas, you’re more than welcome to come and stay w/ me, my mother, and my nana (you’ll be well fed, trust me… (martha stewart sr. and jr., my nana and mother)

Thank you, Taylor.  I’ve actually really loved writing here the last week or so, because it makes my problems seem less intimidating, which is a form of breaking down walls, I suppose.

I don’t think too many people make it through my really long posts, but I hope that the people who do get something out of it.  It’s certainly been cathartic for me.  

I’m surprised that I can share so much without fear of being judged.  That’s probably because there are such supportive, nice and understanding people (like you!) in this place.

taylorswaim:

It was not easy for me to just sit down and type something like that out for everyone and their brother to read.  But I know that because of people like you, Amanda, and yes, foggy who are also willing to open up and share personal things, it makes it a lot easier… we’re like our own little support bubble.  It’s nice, you know?  I’ve never been able to talk about that kind of stuff w/ my family… it’s just nice to know that someone somewhere out there has my back.  I wish I could have come across you people sooner. 

Observation

I just went to the grocery store to buy coffee for tomorrow morning (necessity), and you know how most grocery stores make you join a club to get special discounts?  Well, I don’t have a card for this one, so I’ve been using my ex’s since I moved here, and I go to the grocery store fairly often since I only buy as much as I can carry (I hate driving).  Every single time, they look at the receipt and read off the name of the person who the card belongs to, so they say “Thank you, Ms. last-name-of-person-who-broke-my-heart-two-years-ago” and I cringe.  Every time.  And then I say that next time I’m going to fill out my own little membership form so I don’t have to be called by his last name again.  Except I don’t.  Because I’m lazy.

Also, while I was walking home, I passed by a senior citizen square-dancing class.  So cute.  Life is good.

The End.

So many things crossing my dashboard this evening that make me want to cry.

Not necessarily in a bad way, because it’s good to think about these things, but so much of what people have said today really resonates with me.

Also, thank you for sharing, Taylor.